Jokes and Humor
作者 : 未知

  No Hoes
  A thirteen-year-old boy was sitting on the sofa watching TV when the phone rang.
  “Hello, my son.” It was his father’s voice, “Where is your mother?”
  “Mother is working in the garden.”
  “What?” barked the father, “Your mother is not as young and strong as she used to be. Why aren’t you helping her?”
  “I can’t.” was the reply. “Grandma is using the other hoe.”
  没有锄头
  一个13岁的男孩正坐在沙发上看电视,这时电话响了。
  “喂,儿子。”是父亲打来的。“你妈呢?”
  “妈妈在院子里干活呢!”
  “什么?”父亲吼道。“你妈已经不如从前那么年轻强壮了。你为什么不去帮她?”
  “不行啊!”儿子答道。“另一把锄头奶奶正在用呢!”
  
  Is there a crib in your stomach?
  When my sister-in-law Leach was expecting her second child, her son Brain would sometimes touch his mother’s tummy to feel the baby move.
  One day, while touching her stomach and not feeling anything, he asked, “How come the baby isn’t moving?”
  “The baby is sleeping.” replied his mother.
  Brain thought a moment and then said, “You mean you got a crib in there too?”
  你肚子里有张小床吗?
  我丈夫的妹妹Leach怀着第二个孩子时,他的儿子Brain会时不时摸着她的肚子去感觉婴儿的动静。
  有一天,当Brain抚摸着妈妈的肚子感觉不到什么时,问道:“为什么宝宝不动呢?”
  “她在睡觉呢!”他妈妈答道。
  Brain想了一会儿后说:“你是说你肚子里面也有张小床吗?”
  
  Why is he crying?
  “Tom, what’s the matter with your brother?” asked the mother in the kitchen. “He’s crying.”
  “Oh, nothing, Mum.” replied Tom. “I’m eating my cake. He is crying because I won’t give him any.”
  “But has he finished his own cake?”
  “Yes.” said Tom. “And he also cried when I was helping him finish that.”
  他为什么哭泣?
  “汤姆,你弟弟怎么了?”在厨房的妈妈问道。“他怎么在哭啊?”
   “哦,没事儿,妈妈。”汤姆回答道。“我在吃我的蛋糕。因为我不给他,他就哭了。”
   “那他吃完了自己那块了吗?”
  “是的。”汤姆说。“我帮他吃那块的时候他就在哭了。”
  
  Saving a Dollar
  Johnny: Papa, would you be glad if I saved a dollar for you?
  Papa: Naturally, my son.
  Johnny: Well, I have saved one dollar for you. You said that if I brought a good mark this week, you would give me a dollar and I haven’t brought one.
  省下1美元
  约翰尼:爸爸,如果我为你省下1美元,你高兴吗?
  爸爸:当然啦,孩子!
  约翰尼:那好,我已经为你省下1美元了。你说过我这个星期考出好成绩,就会给我1美元,但是我没考好!
  
  Still in the Same Cemetery?
  A man asked an acquaintance how his wife was; then, suddenly remembering that she had died, he blurted out, “Does she still live in the same cemetery?”
  还住在原来那个墓地吗?
  一个人问一个熟人的妻子过得怎么样;接着,突然想起她已经去世,于是他就脱口问道:“她还住在原来那个墓地吗?”
  
  Father’s John Hancock
  Teacher: Tom, you haven’t shown your parents the examination papers, have you?
  Tom: Yes, I have, sir.
  Teacher: But I can’t find your father’s John Hancock on the papers at all.
  Tom: Here, sir.(Showing his whipped arm to the teacher.)
  父亲的亲笔签名
  老师:汤姆,你没把你的考卷给父母看,是吗?
  汤姆:不,老师,我给他们看了。
  老师:可是我在上面根本没找着你父亲的亲笔签名啊。
  汤姆:在这里,老师。(汤姆向老师露出手臂上的鞭伤。)
  
  Sobbing Keeper
  A visitor to the zoo noticed one of the keepers sobbing quietly in a corner and an inquiry was told the elephant had died.“Fond of him,was he?”the visitor asked.
  “It’s not that,”came the reply.“He’s the chap who has to dig the grave.”
  哭泣的饲养员
  一名参观动物园的游客注意到一个饲养员正在角落里默默地哭泣。他问是怎么回事,别人告诉他大象死了。“他喜欢那头大象,是吧?”游客问道。
  “并非如此,”那人回答说,“他负责给大象挖墓穴。”
  
  (李 伟 供稿)

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