JOKES
作者 :  本刊编辑部

  A
  Teacher:If I laid one egg on this table and two legs in that basket,how many would I have?
  Pupil:I don?蒺t think you can do it.
  注:lay(laid)①放、搁,②下蛋。
  B
  Child:Worry,worry!
  Mother:What?蒺s worry?
  Child:The doctor gave me some medicine and told to take three spoons after each meal.
  Mother:So?
  Child:We only have two spoons.
  C
  Silly:Why do you bring a baby turtle(海龟) as a pet(宠物)?
  Dilly:Well,they say turtles live for two hundred years,and I wanted to see if it was true.
  D
  Wife:Why are you wearing two coats to paint the house?
  Husband:Because the instructions(说明) on the paint say “Put on two coats for better results(效果).”
  注:coat①外衣,②漆的涂层。put on①穿衣,②涂、刷(油漆)等。
  E
  Tom:My dog can do arithmetic(算术).
  Harry:How does he do that?
  Tom:Like this. This morning I asked him what 2 minus(减) 2 was and he said nothing.
  F
  Joe:What would you do if you were in a rowboat(划船) and a big storm came up on one side of the boat?
  Jim:Throw out the anchor(抛锚).
  Joe:Suppose(假如) another storm came up on the other side?
  Jim:Throw out another anchor.
  Joe:And then another one came up behind you?
  Jim:Throw out another anchor.
  Joe:Where would you get all those anchors?
  Jim:Same place you got all those storms.
  G
  Mother:Stop asking so many questions. Don?蒺t you know that curiosity killed the cat?
  Som:Really?What did the cat want to know?
  注:Curiosity killed a cat.是谚语,意为“好奇伤身”。
  H
  Frank:Teacher,I think I should warn(警告) you.
  Teacher:What about?
  Frank:I don?蒺t mean to scare(吓唬) you,but Dad said if I don?蒺t get better marks,someone is going to get a spanking(揍屁股).
  I
  Traffic cop(警察):Lady,you were doing 80 miles an hour!
  Lady:Isn?蒺t that wonderful!You don?蒺t know I only learned to drive yesterday.
  J
  Mechanic(机械师):Lady,I found the trouble with your car. You have a short circuit in the wiring.
  Lady:Well,for goodness sake.Will you lengthen(加长) it?
  注:short circuit意为“短路”。该女子把它误解为“线路短了”。
  K
  Mother:Why is your report card(成绩单) always so bad?
  Kenny:Mommy,I can?蒺t help it. I don?蒺t sit next to any smart kids.
  L
  Policeman:You can?蒺t park(停车) by the fireplug(消防龙头).
  Lady:Why not? The sign says FINE FOR PARKING.
  Note:fine①好的,②罚款。
  M
  Teacher:You?蒺ve all been noisy,so you?蒺ll have to stay after school.
  Voice:Give me liberty or give me death.
  Teacher:Who said that?
  Voice:Patrick Henry.
  注:Patrick Henry(1736―1799)美国独立战争时期的人民领袖、著名演说家。他的名言Give me liberty or give me death.意思是“不自由毋宁死”。
  N
  Mother:What comes after the letter “A”?
  Son:All the other letters.
  O
  Wife:Oh,stop the car quickly!I forgot to trun off the electric iron(电熨斗).
  Husband:That?蒺s all right,dear,nothing will burn. I forgot to turn off the shower(淋浴器).
  P
  Ethel:That?蒺s very strange. I notice you have on one green sock and one red sock.
  Al:I?蒺ll tell you something even stranger. I?蒺ve got another pair at home just like them!
  Q
  Father:How did you make out(进展) in school?Did you pass?
  Son:No,but I was almost at the top of the list of failures!

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