Mum：Harry，why are you crying？
Harry：I?蒺ve hurt my finger，Mum.
Mum：When did you do that？
Harry：Half an hour ago.
Mum：I didn?蒺t hear you crying then.
Harry：No，I thought you were out.
Surgeon（外科医生）：How is the patient doing after I operated on his heart？
Nurse：He is doing fine except for one thing—he seems to have a double heartbeat.
Surgeon：Ah—so that?蒺s where it?蒺s gone—I wondered where I lost my wristwatch（手表）.
A new nurse was watching an operation for the first time.“What are you doing？”she asked the surgeon.
“This man swallowed（吞下） a golf ball and we?蒺re trying to remove it from his throat.”
“And I suppose the worried looking man in the waiting room is his father，”said the nurse.
“No，”said the surgeon.“I believe that?蒺s his partner，and he?蒺s waiting to get on with the game.”
Little George was crying one day，and his dad asked him why.“I?蒺ve lost 5 pence，”sobbed（抽泣） George.
“Never mind，”said his dad kindly.“Here?蒺s another 5 pence for you.”At which George howled（大哭） louder.
“Now what is it？”asked his dad.
“I wish I?蒺d said I?蒺d lost 10 pence!”George answered.
A naughty lad（家伙） was swimming in a private（私人的） part of the river when the owner spotted（发现） him.
“Hey!”he shouted.“You can?蒺t swim here!”
“I?蒺m not swimming，”the lad answered loudly，“I?蒺m stopping myself sinking!”
A farmer was working in the field near the forest. Suddenly a big tiger pounced（扑） on him from behind and was dragging him away. The farmer?蒺s son saw this，soon picked up a knife and ran after the tiger.
“My son，”called the man in the tiger?蒺s mouth，“if you?蒺re trying to save me，don?蒺t use the knife because the tiger?蒺s skin is worth a lot of money!”
Mr Brown walked into a tea shop，sat down and ordered a cup of coffee. When the waitress put the coffee on the table in front of him，he was surprised and said to the waitress，“Look，there?蒺s a fly in my cup.”
The waitress looked into the cup and said indifferently，“Oh，don?蒺t worry，sir. Flies here won?蒺t drink much even if they are very thirsty.”
Mr Jones never lets his little son Tom touch anything in his study. Whenever Tom is going to lay his hand on something there，he will say，“Don?蒺t touch it，Tom.”
One day the boy was standing by the window when his father was reading a newspaper. Suddenly the boy pointed to the sky and shouted，“Look，Dad，a plane!”
“Oh，yes.”said the father without raising his eyes.“But don?蒺t touch it，Tom!”