Once there were three turtles（海龟）. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there，they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn？蒺t eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by，then a month，finally a year，the two turtles said. “Oh，come on，and let？蒺s eat the sandwiches.”Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said，“If you do，I won？蒺t go！”
A woman got a dent （凹痕）in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman decided to have a wee （很小的） bit of fun. So he told her all she had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipe（排气管） until the dent popped itself out.
After 15 minutes of this，a lady—one of the woman？蒺s friends came over and asked what she was doing. “I？蒺m trying to pop out this dent，but it？蒺s not really working. ”
“Duh…you have to roll up the windows first！”
A blonde （白肤金发女） keeps having a recurring （重复出现的） nightmare （噩梦），so she goes to a psychologist （心理医生） to figure out （断定） what it means.
“So，tell me about your dream，” says the doctor.
“Well，Doctor. I？蒺m running down a hall，and a vampire （吸血鬼） keeps chasing （追逐）me. But when I get to the end of the hall，the door is always locked！ I keep pushing and pushing but it never opens！”
The doctor ponders （沉思，思考）a moment，then replies，“Can you remember anything else？”
“Yes，yes ，there is one more thing. On the door，there are always the same mysterious （神秘的） letters，P…U…L…oh yeah and L！”
A friend of my father？蒺s always farmed （干农活）with horses. One day he suddenly decided to catch up with times and buy a tractor. His wife was sure that it was unnecessary. After they argued（争吵） about it for several days，she shouted angrily，“But you don？蒺t need a tractor！”
“I know I don？蒺t need a tractor，” he argued back. “I didn？蒺t need you but wanted you！”
In the end he got the tractor.
A friend wanted to look for a reliable（可靠的）baby？鄄sister for her infant（婴儿）. One woman who came to be interviewed（应征）brought her daughter with her. It seemed that her daughter was an intelligent（聪明的）and well mannered（有教养的）teenager who often took part in church activities（教堂活动）.
After a brief discussion my friend asked the woman if she had any references（推荐证明）. “Yes，” she said，pointing to her daughter，“This is an example of my finest work. ”
So she got the job.
One afternoon while I was talking to a professor，my two？鄄year？鄄old daughter wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and，to my disappointment，my daughter sat down in the front row.
When I went in to get her，the instructor stopped me. “Young lady，” he said，“I have been teaching calculus （微积分）at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone come to my class just because she wanted to. The child may stay. ”
Father：I promised to buy you a car if you passed your extamination and you have failed. What were you doing last term？
Son：I was learning to drive a car.