HUMOUR AND JOKES
作者 :  志东

  Good or bad news?
  One time an airline pilot said to his passengers:“Ladies and gentlemen, I have some bad news and some good news for you.The bad news is that we have a hijacker(劫机者)on board.”On hearing this, some people got frightened and hid themselves behind the seats.The pilot continued to say:“And the good news is that he wants to go to America...”No sooner had the pilot finished his words than all the passengers jumped up!
  
  Good excuse
  Police officers hear plenty of excuses from people caught parking(因错停车被抓)only for the handicapped(残疾的)persons.Once a policeman stopped a man for doing so.When the man was questioned if he knew the parking regulations(规定).He answered correctly.Then the policeman further questioned why he was parking his car there.
  “Oh, I injured my leg last week.The doctor said I would become disabled(残废)if I didn't get proper treatment.Now I'm experiencing(体验)what I feel like to be a disabled person.”
  
  Non-theftproof watch
  One time a worker asked his friend:“What time do you have?”“I don't have a watch any more,”his friend said.
  “What't the matter?”the worker asked.
  “I bought one that was waterproof(防水),dustproof(防尘)and shockproof(防震),”his friend said regretfully.
  “Well, where is it now?”the worker again asked.
  “Oh, it was my fault.I don't know it was not theftproof(防盗).”
  
  What's her name?
  One morning our secretary took a phone message from Alanderofri, the manager's wife.Being so curious(好奇)about the manager's wife, we finally asked the secretary what her name was.The secretary looked a little disappointed and extended(伸开)her arms and said:“Well, I wish I could pronounce it.”
  Moments later, after she had put the message on the manager's desk, someone asked:“How did you spell it?”
  “W-I-F-E,”she replied.
  
  Snowy white is on TV
  One day a customer called to the head of a television company.She complained (抱怨)about the reception(收视质量)on the cable channel(有线频道).
  “Tell me what is wrong with it,”the manager said.
  She replied,“It's all snowy white.”
  “That's right.We are right now playing the Snow White(《白雪公主》).”
  
  The bird nest
  My sister, a primary school teacher,was informed(被告知)by one of her young pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom.
  “What kind of bird?”my sister inquired(问).
  “I didn't see the bird, madam, only a nest,” answered the child.
  “Well,”said my sister, “What does the nest look like?”
  The child studied her innocently(天真地)for a moment, then replied,“Like your hair, madam.”
  
  A friend of the duck
  An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty(特色菜)was roast duck.The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table:“This is the breast(胸)of the duck.This is the leg of the duck.This is the wing(翅)of the duck...”
  Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken.He waited for an explanation, but the waiter said nothing.“Well,”he finally asked:“What is this?”
  “It's a friend of the duck,”said the waiter.
  
  False alarm 假警报
  The travelling salesman always checked the location(位置)of fire exits at hotels where he stayed.One night, in the course of his hunt, he opened a door to find a man who was taking a bath.
  “I'm sorry,” said the salesman.“I was looking for the fire escape(火警出口).”He hurriedly shut the door and continued down the hall.He hadn't gone far before he noticed he was being followed by a dripping figure(浑身滴着水的人)in a towel(裹着毛巾).
  “What!”the man shouted.“Where's the fire?”

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